Holistic Education for Integral Human Development
Last year I encountered unpleasant experiences, one after another, of which I had no control over the external causes and circumstances. I went into a ‘blaming mode’ including self-blame. This triggered all sorts of internal struggles and I could not reach workable solutions within my capacity. It became so intolerable that while I was driving to work one day, tears kept pouring. I knew it was all negative emotions and I wanted to stop crying. I kept telling myself that everything will be over and get better soon but those tearful moments lasted for about more than an hour.
At one point, I felt like a failure and a loser. I hid my feelings well because I felt it was painful to express it out and I should not burden and affect others. Perhaps, there was also a sense of shame in how others would perceive my feelings. Silently, I comforted myself by saying that I have reached the bottom and it can only get better, all I need is to keep enduring for that moment.
As I was adjusting myself to cope with these changes and be more objective about it, I was given the opportunity to take part in learning programmes and volunteer my service within the capacity that I could cope with. I am so happy that I took these opportunities without hesitation. Being back in an environment which is supportive, and which supports a selfless mission enabled the positive spirit to grow in me. When I am being of service to others, I stayed focussed, cultivated wholesome values such as generosity, patience, kindness, and was able to contribute my time and skills in a meaningful way.
I also shared my reflection in our Dhamma Family discussion and felt grateful for the supportive conditions provided by my kalyana mitta and to learn Dhamma. This reflection led me to learn to accept changes that has happened and learn to be aware as well as detach from the negativity, especially when comparing myself with others.
From feeling so unworthy, to feeling more complete, this fulfilment came from a change in mindset. I experience for myself that change comes from within. It’s through carrying out purposeful service to others, for a good cause that allows me to better achieve balanced well-being. This realisation uplifted my confidence to endure in the challenging moments, to navigate setbacks, and to widen my perspective in seeing things with a much more appreciative lens.
My gratitude to my ‘kalyana mittā’ for their support and helping to shed light on my challenges by sharing positive dialogue and showing gestures of empathy that truly gives me a sense of comfort and trust in navigating life with learning mind.
– Sis. Zoe Ng